better grumpy and paranoid together than alone
by crotia
Summary: When Severus goes to Albus begging for forgiveness the headmaster doesn't send the broken man into spying without training and a unbalanced mental state. Instead he sends him to his old friend Moody. Neither trusts the other but maybe they will get something out of it. (I'm finishing other stories first)
1. prologue

I don't own Harry Potter, I don't earn anything from this. Anything from Harry potter is J.K. Rowlings

* * *

_**Better Grumpy together than alone**_

"Severus my faithful servant. It was an extraordinary idea indeed. I had never considered Albus naïf enough to trust you. Apparently it was worth the try."

A week before just after he had begged Albus to protect him and let him in he had suggested the dark lord to use a spy. He hadn't named himself of course but in the end it didn't matter cause the dark lord had decided he was best for the job. Just as planned. It made things a lot easier if he could just be around the good people without raising suspicion.

"I told the old fool that I couldn't hurt that stupid mudblood Lily because I still love her." His insides ached with the reminder of his biggest mistake but his face remained stoic.

"However he wants me to live with a friend his for a while. That auror Moody... " the distaste in his face was real now "... He says he wants to make sure that I don't fall back to you in a weak moment. He might be naïf and easily fooled but Moody is not. So I'm afraid at first there will no contact with any of you at all."

"Then so be it. You are one of my most trusted. But you also have more brains than certain others. Don't disappoint me. Now go."

* * *

R&R

BTW. I try to update on the 2th, 9th, 16th, and 23th of every month. But this will be 1 chapter for 1 of my stories. And even though it shouldn't be so. Positive reactions to and good feelings about a story do unconsciously influence my choosing and writing. So I there will be stories that I update more than others.


	2. Mistrusting

**1. Mistrusting**

And now here he stood. In the hallway of house Moody. It was a remote house and not too big. It had about the same size as his parental house in Godrics Hollow. It was also unplottable and heavily warded. No one could get in without Moody's permission.

You might get through the wards if you tried hard enough but Moody would notice long before you were through. So there was no way anyone could get in... Or out in his case.

When he begged Albus for forgiveness he was a total mess. He had asked Albus if he could spy for him. Albus gave his consent but he had told him to go and live with a friend of his for a while first.

When he asked him why Albus had answered: "Because dear boy. You joined the dark lord when you were hurt. And at the moment you don't look like the balance itself either. First you need time to balance yourself so you won't make mistakes that could have been prevented easily. Besides the time you spent with him, my friend can learn you a lot. It is purely for my own benefit of course. When you work for me as a spy I don't want Tom to get power over me trough you."

That had left him with no option but agree. And now here he was. Bracing himself for a whole month with an insane, paranoid gryffindor.

"You can put your stuff in the bedroom down the hall upstairs, third door left. My room is off-limits as is the basement. Don't worry if you can't handle your curiosity I've put some wards up to help you keep yourself in check." The freshly retired auror grumbled.

Severus just glared and walked with his things upstairs. Moody followed and stood watching in the door how he started to unpack.

The room was small with just enough room for a closet and a bed.

When they were downstairs again Moody walked them to the kitchen and handed him two soup plates which he placed on the table. Then he placed some substance which was apparently meant to be soup on the table. Moody filled the plates with soup and shoved one at Severus.

Through the whole process his magical eye was constantly watching his visitor. Severus was afraid the drag was poisoned but after seeing Moody dig in he could only assume that it was eligible as he couldn't think of a way he could be poisoned without Moody poisoning himself.

He tentatively took a bite. Only the smallest bit but it was more than enough to decide that, if Moody hadn't poisoned it on purpose, his cooking was bad enough to actually kill someone and he instantly shoved the plate aside.

Moody saw of course, as he was still watching Severus constantly, and barged: "Don't think I will get you anything else. Just because you death-eaters tortured some cook into preparing your cadavers for you doesn't mean you can't eat normal food like everyone else."

Severus opted to reply for a moment but decided against it and just sat back in his stool.

Moody grunted something inaudible. Then he cleared his throat and stretched out his arm. "Your wand please."

He looked up and sighed clearly his wish to keep his wand wouldn't be granted. He handed over his wand.

That evening they just sat. Severus reading a book and Moody staring at him not even trying to hide it.

When he finally had enough of the staring he went upstairs to brush his teeth. Moody followed him and kept watch.

He couldn't really get to sleep easily but he finally sank into oblivion after recalling the ingredients of no less than 27 potions.

But of course luck wasn't on his side. He woke again with a full bladder. He sighed and got out of bed to relieve himself, but to his utter terror the door didn't open.

"Moody, In Merlin's name open that door!" He yelled.

It took some more yelling but finally he heard Moody in the hall. His bladder had become increasingly painful and he couldn't wait for the door to open.

"Hmpf, what's all the commotion about." Moody grunted.

"I need to go to the loo. As in right now, so open up that bloody door."

The door opened and he sprinted to the toilet.

When he got out he saw Moody still standing in the hall in a pair of midnight blue pajama's.

"Don't worry I'm not mad at you. I can imagine getting potty training from you-know-who isn't the best way to learn but I'm sure he's proud of you." Moody said. Then he turned and walked back to his chamber.

...

The next day Moody kept Severus close.

Which annoyed our greasy haired wizard to no end. The tension between the two of them could be cut with a knife. It was clear that neither of them trusted the other.

At the first part of the morning they did some chores inside the house. Which took up noticeable more of their time than it should have as both wanted to keep an eye out to each other.

Around noon Moody cast two warming charms at their clothes so they could head out to harvest sowoon. A plant who's healing properties could only be harvested by freezing temperatures. Outside lay a thick icy blanked.

They were slowly making their way over to the plants when Severus heard a thump. He looked over at Moody who sat on his behind in the snow. Severus chuckled at the sight of it. Moody scowled and with a flick of his wand Severus fell face first into the snow.

The icy snow was biting into his face. He sat up angrily. If he had his wand he would have hexed the man. But as he did not he chose to settle for throwing something, a snow ball to be exact.

He threw with all his might and piled up frustration. Moody ditched the flying object but the next one was already coming at him. With the third try Severus hit the old auror full in the chest. Something that extremely satisfied him, and he found throwing snowballs was a good way to get rid of some frustration.

Leaving his wand aside Moody threw back hitting a surprised Severus full in his face.

They continued throwing snow balls at each other until they were both cold and white. They glared at each other for a moment and then the corner of Moody's mouth started to curl up. And to his surprise his own mouth started twitching. When they walked inside they both wore a small smile on their faces. But they would never admit to themselves nor anyone else it had been there.


	3. Wary

They both ate lunch. Luckily it was bread from a shop so Severus stuffed himself with it to make certain he wouldn't need to eat Moody's cooking in case it was just as bad as it had been the evening before.

After lunch they finished harvesting the sowoon. It went better than all the other things they did that day but it still took on a lot of time.

When they were done Moody gave Severus a book which apparently was used in auror training called: 'protection for all situations' and motioned for him to sit in a stool at the dinner table. So he sat reading while Moody cooked.

After they repeated the actions of the day before with Severus watching Moody eat dinner and Moody watching Severus read Severus went to bed.

He lay awake thinking of Lily and praying she was save. He heard Moody go to bed but he was still tossing and turning.

He stepped out of bed trying against better judgment if he could get out his chamber so he could drink some water in the bathroom. He pressed the handle and to his great surprise it opened. He drank some water and went bed to bed slowly drifting off into a restless sleep.

...

He lay in bed. Cold sweat wetting the sheets. He was screaming in the terror of his nightmare.

The dark lord had found out about him spying and made him watch while he tortured Lily.

Someone grabbed him by his shoulders and started shaking roughly. "Wake up!"

His eyes snapped open and he stared into the grumpy face of an auror. And for moments he could only stare.

"I thought you knew some occlumency. Next time occlude to keep you from having nightmares like this one. If one of your 'friends' hears you screaming you will have a problem."

He glared as he felt his face warming. "I would have used a silencing charm but you have my wand" Severus pointed out in what he hoped was a dignified manner.

Moody just looked back at him and Severus thought he saw amusement faintly playing at his features at his tone but it was almost instantly gone. "Don't make a habit of screaming like a girl and waking me up every night." Moody said than he turned and left. Leaving a shaking Severus on his bed.

...

The next morning Severus was drinking coffee for breakfast. He really needed it after the long night.

A little funny feeling settle lightly in his head but he payed little heed to it.

"So, you care a lot for Lily, do you not?" Moody asked.

"Yes, indeed." Severus replied.

"Do you trust me?"

"Not, really."

Severus searched Moody's face carefully for the motive of these sudden questions but Moody's face was a blank mask.

"Do you like being a death eater?"

"Not really, some things are nice though." His eyes widened in horror. What he said wasn't what he intended to say.

"Do you hate muggles and muggleborns?"

"No, Lily is one too."

"Do you like to torture, kill and hurt people."

He struggled against the coming answer in vain. "Only a select few. But I wouldn't do anything to bad to them cause that would hurt Lily and my father has had his painful dead already."

"Who are those select few?"

"Potter, Black, Pettigrew and Lupin."

"Why?"

He felt the colour draining from his face. "Because they made my childhood hell. They did whatever they could to embarrass and hurt me."

" If you don't like hurting people and you don't hate muggles and muggleborns than what do you like about being a death eater?"

"They accept me and no one makes fun of a death eater. Now they can't hurt me anymore." He was mortified that Moody forced him to tell his secrets. He looked up for a moment, into the war hardened auror's face. He thought he saw a trace of pity shine through the mask but after a moment it was gone again.

"Why did you join them in the first place?"

"Mother had just committed suicide and I had no one. I was hardly accepted in my own house for years and didn't have any real friends, Lily had left my side and everyone else in school disliked me too or stayed away because of Potter and his friends. The death eaters gave me a place to belong." Tears welled up in his eyes. He had never admitted this to anyone not even himself. He just wanted to curl up and empty his stomach to get rid of the sick feeling.

"Will you stay loyal to the light side?"

"Yes, as long as it's Lily's side and they do what's right."

"If I give you your wand back will you obey me and not use it against me?"

"Within reason."

With that Moody gave him his wand back and left. Leaving Severus sobbing silently on the kitchen table.

When he finally got himself together again he spend the rest of the day finishing the books Moody gave him and practicing the spells in his small little chamber. When Moody called him for lunch and dinner he declined as he really didn't feel like eating.

...

That night he fell asleep right away. Exhausted with the long day.

He had set a silencing charm and an alarm in case Moody came marching in again. Moody told him that locking charms on his chambers and such were still off limit.

He only slept for a few hours when he woke up. He felt exhausted but his nightmares didn't give him any rest. He woke up writhing in imagined agony of his former master's cruciates curse.

He then remembered the stack of potions in the bathroom. Surely there was a dreamless sleep. He walked to the bathroom and tried to open the cabinet to no avail. He also tried a few unlocking spells but it was obviously heavy warded.

"Severus if you were wondering the toilet is in the other corner." A voice grumbled from behind him.

He started and turned around. "If you wanted some dreamless sleep you could have asked." Severus cursed silently for being so easily seen through.

Moody walked to the cabinet and took out a vial. "Next time you need a potion or something like this just ask otherwise you will regret it. "

With that Moody gave the vial to Severus and left

...

The next morning Moody explained some tricks on how to make sure no one is poisoning your food.

After that he told de greasy black-haired male to get his occlumency shields up.

And although Severus already knew occlumency it wasn't enough to keep the former auror out.

_Little thirteen-year-old Severus was quietly walking down the hall. He stayed at the side in the shadows trying to use them as a cover._

_His left hand hurt little. Those four stupid lions had pushed him and he had landed wrong on his arm._

_Knowing that his house mates would just laugh at him he went down to the dungeons past the portrait that led into their common room. Instead he walked further down. He knew no one ever came down their. No one except him. Sometimes a few snakes explored it a little but they never went so far as he did._

_Rounding the corner to his favourite spot, an alley where he didn't sit in the middle of a draught. Down in the dungeons it was cold enough without._

With a lot of effort he threw Moody out. He was panting and noticed he sat on the ground. He ignored Moody's outstretched hand and stood up. It was going to be a lot of work before he was strong enough to keep out the dark lord.

* * *

I've given my update system some thought and I decided to update every sunday of an even week. If I have enough material I will also update on sundays of uneven weeks. And if I overload in material I will update at random too. please note that this will be one of my five stories.


	4. Accepting

_**3. Accepting**_

They had trained all they. After the occlumency disaster Moody had told Severus some practice techniques. Then they started to train in other aspects. Over lunch they had tried to poison each other and not get poisoned themselves.

It had been surprisingly fun. Most of the food had been poisoned however so Severus didn't have a chance of stuffing himself to avoid dinner.

After Lunch Severus went reading and practicing spells again while Moody started on some chores and occasionally helped the younger man. And so the afternoon found Severus intently reading a book.

Moody looked over and smiled at the complete concentration he used to study things. No wonder the man had become a skilled wizard and an exceptionally talented potions master. And while looking a sudden idea popped into his head that made his smile widen even more.

He had never been mischievous at nature but that didn't mean he hadn't had his mischievous moments when he was younger and the young man reading in the green seat at the corner seemed to just ask for it. He took out his wand and silently cast a mild stinging hex.

Severus started and flew out his seat. "What was that for!" Severus exclaimed with a surprised and angry look on his face.

It took Moody everything he had not to burst out laughing.

Severus rubbed his arm where the curse had hit him and glared at the old auror whose eyes twinkled with merit but the rest of his face was a serious mask. "Constant vigilance, otherwise you might get yourself killed."

Severus huffed and sat down again but this time he took the corner seat so he could keep an eye on Moody. Not that it stopped the auror from trying.

When dinner came around Severus sat picking at his food without actually eating it. He was hungry that wasn't the problem but he would be starving before could actually eat what the auror made them.

"What's problem you have been picking at your food and hardly eaten anything. Are you mad because of the stinging hexes. They weren't that bad and being able to dodge curses any given moment might save your life someday." Moody broke out.

Severus shook his head sighing. He really was hungry.

"You really should eat more you know." Moody finally grunted. "You can't expect your body to function if you don't give it proper nutrients."

"I'm sorry but you can hardly call this proper nutrients. I don't see how you're still alive with the way you cook. You must have become resistant or something but I assure you I'm not." Severus said grumpy cause a hungry stomach did I_ not_ improve his mood.

Moody looked down at his plate and sighed. "That bad huh? I suppose your right. I'd like to think my cooking has improved over the years but I guess I'm just used to it by now. But non the less you need to eat something."

"What could I? We ate the last bread with lunch."

Moody looked around the kitchen with a slight frown. "There are some left over supplies. It isn't anything really useful but maybe you can make yourself something out of it."

It took some effort but he wasn't a potions master for nothing and half an hour later there were two plates of actual food on the table. He had managed to make something out of a few lost eggs, the non-wasted parts of some fruit and vegetables he found at the weirdest places and more like that.

He shoved the second plate at Moody who hadn't eaten much more either and the man thankfully smiled at him and dug in.

"Just for the record. If you have meet you can better place it somewhere else than the drawer next to the stove. If you use some of an apple don't leave the rest lying around and maybe you should better inventory what you have and give things places. That alone would be a huge improvement you know."

"I know. But I just really suck in kitchens."

"Ok I'm going to be here for some time so I might as well do the cooking than and you help me with your skills so how about I teach you mine."

"At auror training some of my friends tried but it didn't really work and later the mediwitch there tried to after my third food infection. It has improved some but I never have people over for dinner and I never will have them. So I guess I'm just hopeless."

Severus stared at the man in front of him who looked somewhat sad. "If I'm going to teach little eleven year old brats how to brew a potion without blowing each others brains out I think I should be able to teach you how to cook eligible."

Moody stared at him for a few minutes than he gave a curt not of acceptance. Than he stood and started clearing the table.

Severus took the hint and left it at that but in his head he was busy thinking of ways to improve the functionality of the kitchen and things that weren't too difficult to make. He himself had cooked whenever his father had beaten his mother too much to do so from a young age on. But he supposed most of the students needed to figure out themselves after Hogwarts if their parents didn't teach them over summer.

After dinner they spent some time in woods around the house. Officially they were training 'the art of hiding'. Off record they found themselves playing high level hide and seek.

And even if neither of them would admit it anytime soon they absolutely enjoyed themselves. Moody because he really started to enjoy the company of the other man and after everything that he had seen and done in his life he hardly ever did things for fun. And he found that hunting down someone that wasn't going to kill you definitely was.

And Severus because the only other person he really had done some games with was Lily and that was long ago. And he too found himself liking the non-threatening excitement of hiding waiting to be found.

At the end of the day Severus felt exhausted. Between mentally exhausting occlumency exercises; the magically tiring spells and magical tricks the old man let him practise and being on the lookout for stinging hexes he was magically and physically drained.

But he also was mentally more at peace than he had in years. As a matter of fact he couldn't remember the last time he was just tired without being emotionally and mentally drained.

Now they were sitting in the little living area. Severus In the same deep blue armchair he had sat in the other times. Moody on the same coloured blue sofa across from him. Moody's wooden leg stretched on the sofa and his other leg dangling of the side. The old auror's magical eye in a basket with special potion on the table in between them.

Moody's posture completely lacked the tenseness and hostility that had been there just days ago. He was humming while poking into the fire with a long thick wooden stick. Apparently humming was one of Moody's habits and Severus felt his eyes grow heavier while staring in the fire and listening to soft humming.

"Now don't fall asleep boy. You'd get an awful pain in the neck for sleeping like that."

But Severus was too far out to shake himself awake again. Instead he vaguely registered being levitated up the stairs. Later he came back just enough to feel blankets being draped over him, a hand on his head and a grumbled "sweet dreams boy" before he knew no more.

* * *

Hey, there will be one more chapter and probably an epilogue

Next chapter Dumbledore will pay a visit and Moody has a bad day.

R&R


End file.
